Part 2: The Balance Between Selfishness and Social Responsibility
In the second part of our blog series about Josef Kirschner’s book “The Art of Being Selfish: The Adventure of Living Happily, Even If Others Don’t Like It”, we look at how to reconcile healthy selfishness with social responsibility. While Part 1 of the book emphasises the importance of putting your own needs and wishes first, the question quickly arises: where does selfishness end, and where does consideration for others begin?
Selfishness as healthy boundary-setting
Kirschner makes it clear that healthy selfishness is in no way at odds with acting socially. Rather, it’s about drawing a clear line between your own needs and those of others. We’re often taught that we have to put ourselves last in order to be a “good” person. But that frequently leaves us feeling burnt out and dissatisfied, because we’re constantly meeting other people’s expectations without considering our own wishes.
Healthy selfishness therefore means consciously choosing your own needs without violating the rights or freedoms of others. It’s about saying “no” when necessary and setting boundaries where they’re needed. Kirschner describes this as an act of self-care that, in the long run, actually puts us in a better position to help others. Because those who neglect themselves have less strength and energy to be there for anyone else.
The myth of altruism
A central theme in Kirschner’s book is debunking the “myth of altruism”. Our society often promotes the idea that selfless action is the highest ideal. People who sacrifice themselves to help others are frequently admired and held up as role models. But Kirschner asks whether this attitude is really healthy and sustainable.
Altruism in its extreme form can lead us to forget ourselves and sacrifice our own wellbeing. That serves neither us nor the people around us in the long term. Kirschner argues for letting go of this ideal of unlimited altruism and finding a healthy balance between self-interest and social action.
Taking responsibility without sacrificing yourself
Kirschner stresses the importance of taking responsibility – for yourself and for others. But responsibility doesn’t mean neglecting yourself or ignoring your own needs. On the contrary: those who take good care of themselves can take better care of others too. This attitude does, however, require a shift in thinking, especially with regard to traditional ideas about responsibility and caregiving.
Finding the balance between selfishness and social responsibility requires clear communication and an awareness of your own limits. It’s not about acting self-centred or inconsiderate, but about consciously deciding when and how to show up for others. Kirschner shows that we’re only truly able to do good when we also look after our own wellbeing at the same time.
Selfishness in relationships
Healthy selfishness plays a particularly crucial role in interpersonal relationships. In many partnerships and friendships, the problem arises that one side keeps putting their own needs aside to keep the other person happy. In the long run, this leads to frustration and imbalance in the relationship.
Kirschner encourages us to speak openly about our own needs in relationships and to set clear boundaries. Only then can a relationship develop on equal footing, where both partners have the chance to grow into themselves without one constantly having to sacrifice. The art lies in finding a middle ground where both your own needs and your partner’s are taken into account.
The path to authentic self-fulfilment
By the end of this chapter, it becomes clear that healthy selfishness doesn’t mean being egotistical or inconsiderate. It’s much more about the ability to stand by yourself authentically and take responsibility for your own happiness. At the same time, it’s equally important to act considerately and responsibly towards others – without losing yourself in the process.
In the third and final part of the blog series, we’ll look at how to develop the courage to stand up for your own needs and how to successfully integrate healthy selfishness into everyday life. Kirschner shows that it’s not just about setting boundaries, but also about actively and consciously shaping your own life.
Part 3: The Courage to Assert Yourself and Putting It into Practice
In the next part, we’ll look at concrete steps for developing the courage to stand up for yourself and living healthy selfishness successfully in everyday life.
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