Part 3: The Courage to Assert Yourself and Putting It into Practice
In the final part of our blog series about Josef Kirschner’s book “The Art of Being Selfish: The Adventure of Living Happily, Even If Others Don’t Like It”, we turn to the decisive step: putting healthy selfishness into practice in everyday life. Having covered the basic principles of healthy selfishness in Part 1 and explored the balance between self-interest and social responsibility in Part 2, it’s now about how to develop the courage to live this attitude consistently.
Self-assertion: the key to a fulfilled life
Kirschner makes it clear that self-assertion plays a central role on the path to self-fulfilment. Many of us hesitate to stand up for our own needs out of fear of rejection, conflict or being accused of selfishness. But this is exactly where the art of healthy selfishness comes in: if you don’t dare to stand up for yourself, you risk living a life dictated by other people’s expectations.
Having the courage to assert yourself means making clear decisions and communicating them to others. That can sometimes be uncomfortable, especially when it comes to close relationships or professional situations. But Kirschner emphasises that we can only truly flourish when we learn to say “no”, set boundaries and define our own priorities.
The price of conformity
One of the biggest obstacles on the path to self-assertion is the fear of how those around us will react. Many people are so focused on pleasing others or avoiding conflict that they completely suppress their own needs. Kirschner describes this as a high price we pay for conformity and harmony.
In the long run, however, this behaviour leads to inner discomfort, frustration and dissatisfaction. We sense that we’re not living our own life, but someone else’s. Kirschner urges us to break this dynamic and to have the courage to swim against the current. Because ultimately, we only become happy when we are authentic and shape our lives according to our own ideas.
Concrete steps towards self-assertion
In his book, Kirschner offers a range of practical advice on how to put healthy selfishness into practice in everyday life. Here are some of the most important steps for living the art of selfishness successfully:
- Self-reflection: The first step is becoming aware of your own needs and wishes. Many people have grown so used to meeting other people’s expectations that they no longer know what they themselves really want. Regular self-reflection – whether through meditation, journaling or simply thinking things through – helps you gain clarity.
- Setting boundaries: Healthy selfishness requires us to learn to set clear boundaries. That means saying “no” when something doesn’t align with our needs, and defending that decision without a guilty conscience.
- Clear communication: Conflicts often arise not from healthy selfishness itself, but from unclear communication. It’s important to communicate our needs openly and honestly without attacking or belittling the other person.
- Self-care: Healthy selfishness also includes taking good care of yourself – physically, emotionally and mentally. If you neglect yourself, you eventually lose the energy to stand up for your own needs. Kirschner emphasises the importance of self-care as the foundation for a fulfilled life.
- Taking responsibility: Healthy selfishness also means taking responsibility for your own decisions. Instead of blaming others for our own unhappiness, we should learn to take our life into our own hands and shape it actively.
The courage to be different
A central theme in Kirschner’s book is the courage to be different. In a society that often rewards conformity and criticises anything that deviates from the norm, it takes strength to go your own way. But Kirschner makes it clear that real courage lies in staying true to your own values and convictions, even if this sometimes provokes resistance.
Many people live in constant tension between the expectations of those around them and their own needs. Kirschner encourages us to see this conflict not as a threat, but as an opportunity to live authentically. The price of conformity is often your own satisfaction, while the price of self-assertion is sometimes temporary conflict. But in the long run, only the path of healthy selfishness leads to a fulfilled and happy life.
Conclusion: mastering the art of healthy selfishness
To wrap up this blog series, we can say that the art of healthy selfishness is a balancing act that requires courage, self-confidence and clarity. It’s not about acting self-centred or inconsiderate, but about recognising your own needs, respecting them and building them into everyday life. Kirschner shows us that it’s possible to lead a self-determined life without neglecting your social bonds.
The book’s message is powerful and inspiring: only those with the courage to stand up for themselves can truly become happy – even if others don’t always like it. It’s a call to see your own life as an adventure and to play the leading role in it.
This concludes our blog series on Josef Kirschner’s “The Art of Being Selfish”. Use these insights to find more clarity, self-determination and satisfaction in your own life.
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